Waking is better than sleeping. And Knowing is better than wondering.
Trust me on this. The most frustrating thing you’ll enounter in your life isn’t at a mall with a excruciatingly long queue, or at a sinfully boring lecture in your college, or even at a hospital waiting for the results.
The most frustrating moment is when your examination results are out..
And you don’t get to see it!
Just like any other day, at 4 o’clock i took my badminton racket and shoes, my two prized possessions and went out. Got on my 7 year old cycle, which has long lost its definition, and pedaled with all my might and strength i could muster up. Thankfully, with my earphones on, i didn’t feel the exhaustion and the rest of the world was shunned out and i was lost in the thoughts of mentally singing along with the song ‘Titanium’ by Madilyn Bailey (Truly amazing song).
That’s when i had to get the message. While i was peacefully listening to my favorite songs, trying my best to maneuver through the crowded streets, trying so hard not to get hit by cars and the rash driving of bikers, i got a ‘ping’ in my mobile. And there it was. Even though the font was in a normal size, it looked like giant imposing letters to me.
‘Results are out’
I don’t know where they came from, but little wretched butterflies started circling in my stomach, and i felt that strange sensation that people feel before attending a career-changing examination or career-determining interview. Alarmingly scared yet strangely exhilarating. But you know, it weighs more the alarming side.
Suddenly, even the song i was hearing was eschewed. I didn’t even begin to play, but already i could feel sweat parched on my palms. Only one notion kept playing in my mind in a monotonous prayer like chant, to know how much i had gotten. But by the time i became stable from the deliria, i reached the coaching centre.
I had to go through another 2 hours without knowing that number. Why, Oh Why did that guy have to tell me? Why did i check the message? Why did i bring my mobile?
A chaotic protest evolved in my brain. The grey cells, responsible for the logical reasoning, suddenly seemed to halt. It stopped churning the information that i need to think cognitively. I needed to focus and concentrate to play. But its like asking a dog to fetch a ball whilst keeping a juicy plate of meat in front of it, but demarcating it. Its impossible.
And as expected, when you throw the ball, the dog will half-heartedly run away from its treasure(though not treasure in my case) to fetch it. The same i did. Half heartedly i played and was annoyed at myself for that. After the class, i was cursing myself mentally as i took out my mobile. Yes of course. There were a dozen messages questioning me on my result. I felt irritated and dumb to answer them that I DONT know. But what else could i do? Actually i could have given my roll number to someone and asked them to check on my behalf.
But No. Whatever may happen, let the world come down, It should be me who first sees that page with that glaring result. I wanted to rush home, but thankfully i had the urge to resist, because with the accident percentage skyrocketing everyday, i didn’t want to be included in one of them, that too just to know a result, strike that off.. that too just before knowing a result.
Finally the gates of my home came into view. Actually, my house is in the first floor of the 2 storeyed building. There is a calling-bell outside my house door and at the front gate too. Generally on any other day, i wouldn’t ring the one at the gate. But today wasn’t any other day. I simply, can not waste any more time staring at a bare door and waiting for it to be opened.
As i reached above, as expected, the door was ajar. I sprinted to my bedroom, plugged in my dongle and moved the curser to type in the website. And my, aren’t i lucky chap in the world?
I could literally hear the sneer and snicker from the message on my laptop screen.
“Server down. Try again later”.
It was like fate didn’t want me to see my result. But i wouldn’t let fate get the better of me. I kept refreshing every few seconds even though i knew the result(of refreshing). For a few moments, i just kept staring at the screen. Let me tell you something. Knowing a bad result is better than not knowing a good one. Not knowing will kill you, eat you from the inside. And every second that passed, i languished more and more. I kept fussing, like a pin kept pricking me.
Finally, frustrated and quite bored, i took out my mobile to look at the messages of people proudly or sadly confessing their results. I was just glancing through them. But then one guy had TWO numbers in his msg. That was odd. Why would he have two? So i went back to the message, and checked again.
And there it was. My CGPA. Two hours i tried to ensure i would be the first one to know my result, and that was the result of it. In a way, i was glad. I realized the ‘being more prepared if i saw it myself’ theory was crap, and results always need an element of surprise.
And i got mine.